Introduction

1. Thinking Errors are thoughts people exhibit and/or demonstrate during irresponsible behavior. This thinking leads to and/or brings on self-destructive behavior. This self-destructiveness leads to and/or brings on criminal behavior. Remember, we have all demonstrated these thinking errors at one time or another, so we must keep it in perspective. For example; although everyone has fear, what is at issue is the nature of the fear and how we cope with it.
    
2. Thinking errors are present everywhere in life. We regard them as "errors" solely from the perspective of responsibility and from the stand point of society. Every thinking error must first be understood by itself and then be related to the others. Responsibility is defined to extend beyond legal accountability or a state of crimelessness to an entire way of life that is the outcome of eliminating wrong thinking patterns and learning new ones.
    
3. We will attempt to develop a framework based on analysis of thought processes. The basically responsible person has a life-style of hard work, fulfillment of obligations, and consideration for others. We derive self-respect of others from our achievements. Desires to make the wrong choice do occur, but they disappear, usually without us having to make a conscious choice.
    
4. We often discard thoughts about wrong choices because they do not fit our view of life, and so no effort is needed to eliminate it. The focus is on thinking patterns. When a poor choice or a deviation from responsible behavior does happen, it does not necessarily become a way of life and/or a thinking pattern. For example; we have moments of extreme anger, but anger and vindictiveness are not automatic responses to things that do not go our way. For example; A responsible person may lie, but infrequently. In this case, lying is not a way of life.
    
5. The basically responsible person has a pattern of being conscientious in occupational, domestic, and social affairs. We work productively and contribute toward the good of others, while trying to advance ourselves. Some people do not violate the law, but can be considered irresponsible. These are the defaulters, liars, excuse maker’s, people who are generally unreliable.
    
6. We who are chronically late, perform poorly at work, or fail to fulfill promises and obligations at home, at school, or on the job. However, they cannot be arrested for any of these shortcomings. They may show irresponsibility in some ways and be conscientious otherwise and their irresponsibility doesn’t result in criminal acts. The process of change is a formidable task. To bring about change, we must counteract our conviction that "we do not need to improve."
    
7. Genuine self-criticism is absolutely essential to the change process. Without it, any effort at change is condemned to an early failure. As we attempt to understand thinking errors, we might be offended or worried by finding that, to a degree, we have some of the characteristics attributed to the extreme end of self-destructive behavior.
    
8. We may think of times we have lied or misrepresented a situation. We may recall with some embarrassment an occasion when we have let our temper get the best of us or an isolated instance of taking something that did not belong to us. Such behavior doesn’t automatically place us on the self-destructive and/or unlawful end of the continuum.
   
    
9. We warn the reader against "medical student’s disease," in which we wholeheartedly apply everything to ourselves. Anyone of us who desires to effect basic change in ourselves must be totally familiar with thinking errors, for it is with these thinking patterns to which correctives must be applied. The focus is thinking patterns.

Anger

1. This thinking error keeps others away and helps us avoid other unpleasant feelings like shame, sadness, or fear. Rather than focusing on our real feelings or actual actions, this thinking error causes us to focus on the anger and not the real issue at hand. When we throw tantrums, act aggressively, respond sarcastically, or fly into a rage, we get others to focus on the thinking error, the anger."
    
2. Sometimes, we use this thinking error to try and intimidate or threaten others, so that we can remain in control. Sometimes this thinking error may go underground. For example; "I don’t get mad, I get even."

Assuming

1. This thinking error is also sometimes called "mind reading." We use this thinking error when we believe that we know how others think or feel. Rather than checking the facts by asking how someone feels, we assume that we know by doing what we want to based on our assumption's)."
    
2. For example; we assume that invading someone’s boundaries will be okay because we have invaded that person’s boundaries before.
    
3. We also use this thinking error when we don’t inform our employer that we’re unable to attend work, by assuming that it will be okay because it was "for a good reason.

Avoiding The Hot Iron

1. Without looking at the past, we cannot learn from our errors and change the future of our behavior. Our goal setting or defined purpose is based on our understanding of the past and vision of the future."
    
2. For example; "Why do you keep bringing up my future plans and goals?" Answer; "My previous error or failing in some areas are why I have a plan or goal." Without facing our weaknesses or bad habits, we will probably do it again.
    
3. Using this thinking error, we do not understand why others keep bringing up our past and/or mentioning our previous profiles or history. Without looking to the past, we cannot see the future with any clarity or vision

Blaming

1. We use this thinking error of "pointing the finger," by finding an excuse not to solve a problem. When we blame others, we’re no longer responsible.
    
2. Our blaming others or fingering can also be used to build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has happened. Through the fingering technique, we can be angry at or have our family angry at someone else," rather than us.
    
3. For example; "The pre-sentence investigator hates men." mFor example; "My sister’s friend has caused us a lot of problems." She’s the one who said; "The trouble with you is that you’re always looking at me in a critical way."

Confusion

1. When using bafflement or confusion, we present ourselves as puzzled about the situation. We may claim not to understand the question, but we reject any clarification of the question.
    
2. When we can remain perplexed or confused about assignments, rules, requirements, expectations, or the facts, we don’t have to work at meeting our obligations.
    
3. If we’re truly confused, we need to ask for clarification at that time. It’s a thinking error to wait until later and claim ignorance. Sometimes we will use confusion by pretending to be unsure of what we did. For example; "Yes. Wait a minute. No, I’m not sure what I said to the policeman."

Excuses

1. This thinking error allows us to have justification or reasons for anything and everything. Whenever we’re held accountable for our actions, excuses are automatically given.
    
2. We have an excuse for everything and we will carefully concentrate on the justification or reasons of the excuse something has happened. For us, this is better than accepting responsibility for what has occurred."
    
3. For example; "I had a bad attorney." "My family was rich." "My family was poor." "They don’t like my skin color." "I’ve never been able to read very well." "I’ve never liked math anyway." "The judge doesn’t like teenagers."

Fact Stacking

1. We use this thinking error when we tell the truth in such a way that the facts help us to not take responsibility for our actions or behavior. Instead it makes us feel powerful, uncomfortable, and unlike others."
    
2. When using logical argument or fact stacking, we rearrange the facts for our benefit." For example; "He was teasing me all along. He did that before I punched him." What I did not explain is that I had been bullying him for at least two months, in and out of school.

Fronting

1. We present ourselves as helpful or agreeable, when we’re really trying to manipulate others so that we won’t be confronted. We always think of ourselves first by being selfish.
2. When we’re being phony or fronting by being a "nice guy," we will always feel something is owed back to us.
3. For example; I agree and accept what the others are saying, when I’m really thinking; "If I am nice and agree with them, they will leave me alone." The message with this thinking error is "since I’m nice to you, you must be nice to me.

Grandiosity Or Maximizing

1. We know this thinking error as the opposite of minimizing. We maximize when I’m trying to make little things seem like very important things. This is what some people may call "making a mountain out of a mole hill.
   Using this thinking error often causes others to focus on little insignificant things, rather than the issue at hand.
    
2. Sometimes by "setting little fires," we can focus attention on trivial matters by creating chaos. This way, we do not have to focus on the facts of our behavior and feelings.

Helpless

1. This thinking error occurs when we present ourselves as being helpless, unable to meet expectations, and/or we are in need of others. This is very similar to victim stance. When using helplessness, we will enjoy talking about how "I cannot write, cannot solve problems, or cannot overcome my disabilities
    
2. This is how we manage to maintain our control over others. When confronted for using this thinking error, we may try to make others seem or look uncaring
    
3. Using this thinking error, we may enjoy talking about our problems, but we still need to be responsible for our actions and our work at improving our weaknesses in any area of our life.

Hopovers

1. This thinking error is also known as sidetracking or "changing the subject." We use this thinking error when we try to change the subject, when we’re confronted with facts about our behavior.
2. We bypass to another subject very quickly to distract others from the real issue.
3. For example; "Why did you join a gang?" Response; "Gangs have been around for centuries and originated in China. Remember, part of learning is disciplining yourself to stay focused and deal with the issues or problems at hand.

Hot Shot Or Cockiness

1. Using this thinking error, we believe that we’re triumphant over everything. We make ourselves believe this. When we believe this, we do not believe we need any further goal setting, development, or improvement. We have no doubt that we can be around high-risk situations, with no risk of making the same mistake's) again.
    
2. Using this thinking error, we overestimate the amount of change we’ve gone through. Cockiness thinking error makes us believe, "I know all the answers.
    
3. For example; "I’m a honor roll student now. I don’t have to worry about studying anymore." "I’ll never fail that class again." "I’ll never flunk that test again." "I’m out of detention and I’ll never see that youth service center again." "I’ll never have to deal with that principal again. Remember, there is always a need for change, which is necessary for growth and maturity. Adults and authority figures are aware of this and will remind us that we don’t know everything. Just ask them.

I Can't Attitude

1. Sometimes we use this thinking error so that others won’t expect us to do what is required or expected. This attitude will ultimately lead to disappointment, failure, a loss of control, or a loss of freedom.
    
2. For example; "I am powerless to learn all these rules." For example; "I can’t complete that assignment." For example; "I am unable of doing that math." For example; "Society has too many rules. I’m a rebel at heart." For example; "I am unqualified. I can’t, means I won’t."

It's Mine Or Entitlement

1. Using this thinking error, we believe that it is proper to take what we want. We tell ourselves and others: "If you don’t give me that pencil, I’ll take it.
2. Using it’s mine or ownership, we expect others to do what we want. We treat the property of others as ours, to do with as we please. To steal, to borrow without permission, or to vandalize means nothing to us.
    
3. For example; We borrow someone’s valuable pen. We believe we’re entitled to keep it as long as we want, because we helped the lender with their mathematics. For example; We talk only about our rights, never considering the rights of others or our responsibility in the matter.

Justifying

1. This is very much like blaming others or excuse making. Our justifying allows us to explain the reason for things."
2. When we justify or explain, we always find reasons for why things are the way they are. We do not want to recognize that things are the way they are because of us, so we find a way to explain or justify them."
    
3. For example; "She didn’t have a chance to be a good person anyway, so it didn’t matter as much with her." For example; "He wasn’t my natural brother, only my step-brother." For example; "My girlfriend wouldn’t do what I asked. What was I supposed to do?"

Keeping Score

1. Sometimes, this thinking error takes the form of playing "reprisal." Often we will be angry or hostile and will be quietly keeping a record of others mistakes, rather than focusing on the issue at hand. This allows us to feel better about ourselves because we haven’t made as many mistakes as others.
2. In other words, we’re "one up" on others. When criticized or confronted, we respond by bringing up the errors of others, so that we will not be the focus of the attention.
    
3. By keeping score we avoid taking responsibility for our own behavior and avoid working at improving. For example; Someone says to you; "You were lying when you said that I was in your room." I say to the group; "Don’t even start with me. Two months ago I hated Jim, so I set him up.

Lack Of Empathy

1. Using lack of empathy, we do not think of how our actions influence others, except in the most obvious physical sense. We have no concept of emotionally hurting others or causing great mental pain
   To stop using this thinking error, we need to put ourselves or a loved one in another person’s shoes. How would we feel if we or a loved one were emotionally, mentally, or physically hurt?
   For example; I’ll tease our classmate about failing the test. Seeing this is bothering him, our feedback or response is; "It wouldn’t bother us if we stopped thinking about it. For example; We get into a fight with one of our peers in PE during flag football and all we have to say is; "It could have been worse. We could have really hurt him.

Let's Fight Or Splitting

1. Sometimes we like to start frays, so we can stand back and watch. We will manipulate and control others so that they become aggressive or hostile toward each other, while we can be a shining example of maturity."
   Sometimes, we will then enter into the conflict as a mediator and try to resolve it so that we can look good.
    
2. Another example of let’s fight or splitting is, when we try to divide others by turning them against each other so that we can get our way. This is done when we ask one person a question and the answer is "no," so we then ask a different person the same question and get a "yes." Then when the first person says "no" again, we can say; "But Mr. Smith lets me do that.

Lying

1. This is one of the most common thinking errors used by us. We use it in many ways. We use it to distort, confuse, or make fools of other people. There are three kinds of this thinking error.
    
2. One ... Omission: We make up simple things that are not true. This kind of thinking error is simple and clear. We simply say things that are not true and that never happened.
    
3. Two ... Comission: This is when we tell a half-truth. We state things that are true, but leave out important details. We are not being truthful by leaving things out, but what we say is true.
   Three ... Action: We behave or act in a way that is not accurate or that suggests something that is not true. We may show support for someone else, when in fact we are being critical of the person. By showing support for the person, we may encourage the person to make a mistake, which makes us look better. It is not so much that we are saying things that are not true, but we behave in ways that can be misinterpreted by others." For example; Someone makes a mistake that is foolish or incorrect and we will show this individual support. However, the person who is making a mistake, will make even greater mistakes because of the support we give out.

Making Fools Of

1. This thinking error allows us to ridicule other people. We feel powerful and controlling, when other people are dependent on us. We will be in a powerful position by keeping other people waiting, hoping, and wondering.
    
2. For example; we stole a key to an important room. As the owner of the key is asking everyone and searching everywhere, we try to make a fool of the owner by saying; "I have the key and you can have it if you can find it." Later, after being taken at my word I say; "I was only joking. I wouldn’t admit it if I had it.
    
3. Another example is when someone compliments me on my work. We can make a fool of the complimenter by failing the next work assignment. This is a very tempting game for me, instead of doing the work at hand.

Minimizing

1. This is a common thinking error. We use this thinking error when we try to make things seem smaller than they really are.
    
2. Often, we will use words like "just" and "only" to make what we did seem smaller. We depreciate our actions and they become unimportant and "not that bad. For example; "I only teased her little bit, not all the way." "I only screamed at her once." "No biggie. I don’t care anyway.

Mr. Goodguy

1. This is a type of "fronting." Using this thinking error, we try to present ourselves as a really nice person who doesn’t make mistakes in our life. When we use this thinking error, we try to outweigh our mistakes with good deeds. We may present ourselves as caring about others, doing well in school by following directions, etc.
    
2. However, it is more present in how we think of ourselves, than what we actually do. This caring attitude is quickly gotten rid of when an opportunity for personal gain or pleasure presents itself.
    
3. We need to be true to ourselves and others. We need to face who we really are. Caring about ourselves and others is full time, not something done to look good.

My Way Or No Way

1. This thinking error is also known as all or nothing. For example; "My way or the highway. We use this thinking error by trying to exert our power over others through insisting that things be done our way or not at all.
    
2. "Using this thinking error, we see things in only black and white, success and failure. Using this thinking error, we do not see alternatives and we lose our power to choose between alternatives. We believe we have to be "number one." Anything less is failure. For example; "If I can’t be the best, I don’t want to do it." "If we can’t play basketball, I don’t want to play.
    
3. Remember, there are usually alternatives or choices about learning and getting better comes in stages of maturity.

Pet Me

1. We are often very selfish and think only of our needs. We often set up other people so that our needs are constantly being met. We want to do things so that we get the compliment. We want to be noticed, cuddled, recognized, get attention, and certainly want to avoid feeling bad.
    
2. For example; "we purposely act or behave in certain ways so that others will notice or applaud. If we are to hand in a written assignment, we will want to personally hand the assignment in.
    
3. Another example of this thinking error is when we complete the assignment for the purpose of gaining approval, rather than for the purpose of learning or changing.

Powerplay

1. Also known as authority conflict, this is when we want all the power and wish to be right no matter what. We enjoy arguing and fighting for the sake of arguing and fighting with others.
    
2. Using this thinking error, we get a "high" from dominating other people. We do not care that we have used other people to get this feeling. We believe that this is our right. We disallow others to learn due to the disruption this thinking error causes.
    
3. We don’t allow others to meet their obligations because they are dealing with this unruly behavior. We are placing our individual needs over the needs of others or the team.

Redefining

1. This is our process of determining the boundaries, by shifting the focus of an issue. We then avoid solving the problem. We also use this thinking error as a power play to get the focus or attention away from me."
    
2. This thinking error allows me to avoid looking at the real issue. Question; "Why didn’t you do your chores for this week?" Response; "I’ve done my assignment for the last three weeks. Question; "Do you have your money saved for your driver license examination? "Response; "I’m very concerned about how hard the test will be.

Refusal To Accept Obligations

1. Using this thinking error, we say "I forgot" as an excuse for not completing assignments, meeting classroom expectations i.e., raising our hand, bringing materials required for class, cooperating with the teacher, using appropriate language in class, respecting life and property, etc.
    
2. When we use this thinking error, we do what we want and ignore our responsibilities or promises. Forgetting is not a valid excuse, we are accountable for all the things we "forget.

Refusal To Acknowledge Fear

1. Using this thinking error, we often tell myself, "Nothing scares me." We cut off the fear that most people experience and which stops most people from doing what they know is wrong.  Using this thinking error, we cut off any anxiety that prevents me from doing what I want to do.
   For example; "I don’t care if I flunk." "Suspension or expulsion doesn’t scare me." "Go ahead, take my points, make me stay after school, I’m not scared of you." For others not using this thinking error, fear is an incentive for self-improvement. Fear is something that takes great courage to face and to understand.

Secretiveness

1. Often, we want to keep mysteries about ourselves. We may keep secrets and claim that it’s part of my confidentiality. Using this excuse, we never open up to others and take the chance to trust. By doing this, no one can help us or even know us well enough, so that we may truly accept them.
    
2. By keeping secrets when others want us to give up the mysteries, we maintain power and control over others, but the mysteries maintain the power and control over us.
    
3. Often, we keep mysteries because we are afraid of rejection. Many times, we keep mysteries from ourselves as well as others. For example; "I can’t tell anyone." " Face your fear and decide why you are afraid of telling your secrets. Then I need to decide what I need to do to get past my fear. If I tell my mysteries, they will no longer have power over me."

Seeking Sympathy

1. We do not like to feel as though we are wrong. We will feel better if we can get others to feel sorry for us. "Seeking sympathy" is when we say things or do things in order to get others to feel sorry for us.
    
2. For example; "My girlfriend probably won’t stick this out with me, so why should I care?" "Why should I ask questions? My questions are never right." "My family would be better off without me."

Silent Power

1. We like the attention this thinking error brings us and enjoy watching the frustration grow in others. We also like the feeling we have over others. When others focus on our silence, it stops us from dealing with the real issues.
    
2. Remember, our silence won’t help us with our goals. Our real strength will come from working with others and participating. Our strength will come from sharing our experiences, feelings, and thoughts with others as we learn to trust. For example; I’m upset with one of my classmates because of what he said and I am showing my anger by yelling. When approached by the teacher to find out what is going on, I refuse to discuss the matter by "clamming up."
    
3. Using this thinking error, we become quiet, often refusing to participate or even explain how we feel. Often, we wait for others to rescue we by encouraging we to talk.

Slacking

1. We are slacking when we try to do the bare minimum required and nothing more. We want to "meet my goals and objectives" or complete my "assignment" so we can relax, "kick back," or rest. We are concerned to "complete my things" only as something to be done to get someone "off my back." We put forth minimum or a mediocre effort and we’re not concerned with changing, modifying, or improving myself.
    
2. We do not want to wait for gratification. We are impatient or restless. We want what we desire right now, not later. We fail to realize that goal setting and having a defined purpose are about commitment to change. That change requires hard work, patience, responsibility, and effort. Our improving is not about semesters or time completed, it is about commitment, genuineness, self-motivation, change, and growth.

Uniqueness

1. This thinking error allows us to believe that we are so special that the rules are for only for others, certainly not me. This thinking error allows us to believe that we are one of a kind and unlike all others in my program. We use this thinking error to tell ourselves; "I am so horrible and terrible that nothing or no one can help me." Therefore, I am not like anyone else." "Or, I might tell myself; "I didn’t do anything as bad as these others. I am not like them. The rules are for others, not for me.
    
2. This is a very common thinking error that can be seen when we tell ourselves that we do not have to listen to others and only have to participate when others are focused on us and someone is speaking directly to us. While others are talking, our using uniqueness will often appear as being bored or daydreaming. For example; "I will start playing with my shoes because I believe improving is for someone else, but definitely not me."

Vagueness

1. We use this thinking error when we try to avoid giving specific information. We don’t want to get pinned down. When we are not precise and clear, our actions can never be examined.
    
2. For example; Question; "Did I break the motion detector?" Response; "No, I did something else." Question; "What did you do?" Response; "I didn’t do that." Question; "What did you do to your little brother?" Response; "I did something kind of bad." Question; "Well, what did you do?" Response; "I took away something."
    
3. Obviously these answers are unclear, not precisely answered, and we’ve allowed ourselves to avoid the reality of what we really did.

Victim Stance

1. Often, we want others to feel sorry for us. To do this, we present ourselves as the "true victim." "Sometimes we use this thinking error by explaining, "I wouldn’t have hurt him, if I hadn’t been hurt myself. We use this thinking error to try and make others see us as powerless and not responsible for our own behavior. By doing this, we try to avoid seeing ourselves as a mistake maker and try to avoid any accountability or responsibility.
    
2. For example; "Poor me. No one really loves me." "I couldn’t help it." "No one understands me." "I’m locked up in here and away from my family." We are not powerless. We need to accept the freedom and responsibility of the power we have.

You're Okay, I'm Okay

1. We often try to be extremely positive in order to avoid looking at the reality of the pain we have caused. We will often work at being helpful, cooperative, and supportive of others. We may even start to worry about other’s problems, rather than think about our own actions and any hurt we may have caused. Sometimes this is called "co-dependent.
    
2. Using this thinking error, we may be the one who feels we must constantly compliment others or be humorous. Most often, we want to focus on "the good things" and ignore the bad, the unpleasant, or our own weaknesses. By using this thinking error, we avoid reality by focusing on how things ought to be rather than how they are or we are.
    
3. By doing this, we manage to avoid responsibility for what we’ve done and we are not working at improving or personal self-empowerment.