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6
What Are Thinking
Errors?
Introduction
- Thinking Errors are thoughts people exhibit and/or
demonstrate during irresponsible behavior. This thinking leads to and/or
brings on self-destructive behavior. This self-destructiveness leads to
and/or brings on criminal behavior. Remember, we have all
demonstrated these thinking errors at one time or another, so we must keep
it in perspective. For example; although everyone has fear, what is
at issue is the nature of the fear and how we cope with it.
- Thinking errors are present everywhere in life. We
regard them as "errors" solely from the perspective of responsibility and
from the stand point of society. Every thinking error must first be
understood by itself and then be related to the others.
Responsibility is defined to extend beyond legal accountability or a state
of crimelessness to an entire way of life that is the outcome of
eliminating wrong thinking patterns and learning new ones.
- We will attempt to develop a framework based on
analysis of thought processes. The basically responsible person has
a life-style of hard work, fulfillment of obligations, and consideration
for others. We derive self-respect of others from our achievements.
Desires to make the wrong choice do occur, but they disappear, usually
without us having to make a conscious choice.
- We often discard thoughts about wrong choices
because they do not fit our view of life, and so no effort is needed to
eliminate it. The focus is on thinking patterns. When a poor choice
or a deviation from responsible behavior does happen, it does not
necessarily become a way of life and/or a thinking pattern. For
example; we have moments of extreme anger, but anger and vindictiveness
are not automatic responses to things that do not go our way. For
example; A responsible person may lie, but infrequently. In this case,
lying is not a way of life.
- The basically responsible person has a pattern of
being conscientious in occupational, domestic, and social affairs. We work
productively and contribute toward the good of others, while trying to
advance ourselves. Some people do not violate the law, but can be
considered irresponsible. These are the defaulters, liars, excuse maker’s,
people who are generally unreliable.
- We who are chronically late, perform poorly at work,
or fail to fulfill promises and obligations at home, at school, or on the
job. However, they cannot be arrested for any of these shortcomings.
They may show irresponsibility in some ways and be conscientious
otherwise and their irresponsibility doesn’t result in criminal acts.
The process of change is a formidable task. To bring about change, we
must counteract our conviction that "we do not need to improve."
- Genuine self-criticism is absolutely essential to
the change process. Without it, any effort at change is condemned to an
early failure. As we attempt to understand thinking errors, we
might be offended or worried by finding that, to a degree, we have some of
the characteristics attributed to the extreme end of self-destructive
behavior.
- We may think of times we have lied or misrepresented
a situation. We may recall with some embarrassment an occasion when we
have let our temper get the best of us or an isolated instance of taking
something that did not belong to us. Such behavior doesn’t automatically
place us on the self-destructive and/or unlawful end of the continuum.
- We warn the reader against "medical student’s
disease," in which we wholeheartedly apply everything to ourselves.
Anyone of us who desires to effect basic change in ourselves must be
totally familiar with thinking errors, for it is with these thinking
patterns to which correctives must be applied. The focus is thinking
patterns.
Anger
- This thinking error keeps others away and helps us
avoid other unpleasant feelings like shame, sadness, or fear.
Rather than focusing on our real feelings or actual actions, this thinking
error causes us to focus on the anger and not the real issue at hand.
When we throw tantrums, act aggressively, respond sarcastically, or fly
into a rage, we get others to focus on the thinking error, the anger."
- Sometimes, we use this thinking error to try and
intimidate or threaten others, so that we can remain in control.
Sometimes this thinking error may go underground. For example; "I
don’t get mad, I get even."
Assuming
- This thinking error is also sometimes called "mind
reading." We use this thinking error when we believe that we know how
others think or feel. Rather than checking the facts by asking how
someone feels, we assume that we know by doing what we want to based on
our assumption's)."
- For example; we assume that invading someone’s
boundaries will be okay because we have invaded that person’s boundaries
before.
- We also use this thinking error when we don’t inform
our employer that we’re unable to attend work, by assuming that it will be
okay because it was "for a good reason.
Avoiding The Hot Iron
- Without looking at the past, we cannot learn from
our errors and change the future of our behavior. Our goal setting or
defined purpose is based on our understanding of the past and vision of
the future."
- For example; "Why do you keep bringing up my future
plans and goals?" Answer; "My previous error or failing in some areas are
why I have a plan or goal." Without facing our weaknesses or bad habits,
we will probably do it again.
- Using this thinking error, we do not understand why
others keep bringing up our past and/or mentioning our previous profiles
or history. Without looking to the past, we cannot see the future with any
clarity or vision
Blaming
- We use this thinking error of "pointing the finger,"
by finding an excuse not to solve a problem. When we blame others, we’re
no longer responsible.
- Our blaming others or fingering can also be used to
build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has
happened. Through the fingering technique, we can be angry at or have our
family angry at someone else," rather than us.
- For example; "The pre-sentence investigator hates
men." mFor example; "My sister’s friend has caused us a lot of
problems." She’s the one who said; "The trouble with you is that you’re
always looking at me in a critical way."
Confusion
- When using bafflement or confusion, we present
ourselves as puzzled about the situation. We may claim not to understand
the question, but we reject any clarification of the question.
- When we can remain perplexed or confused about
assignments, rules, requirements, expectations, or the facts, we don’t
have to work at meeting our obligations.
- If we’re truly confused, we need to ask for
clarification at that time. It’s a thinking error to wait until later and
claim ignorance. Sometimes we will use confusion by pretending to be
unsure of what we did. For example; "Yes. Wait a minute. No, I’m
not sure what I said to the policeman."
Excuses
- This thinking error allows us to have justification
or reasons for anything and everything. Whenever we’re held accountable
for our actions, excuses are automatically given.
- We have an excuse for everything and we will
carefully concentrate on the justification or reasons of the excuse
something has happened. For us, this is better than accepting
responsibility for what has occurred."
- For example; "I had a bad attorney." "My family was
rich." "My family was poor." "They don’t like my skin color." "I’ve never
been able to read very well." "I’ve never liked math anyway." "The judge
doesn’t like teenagers."
Fact Stacking
- We use this thinking error when we tell the truth in
such a way that the facts help us to not take responsibility for our
actions or behavior. Instead it makes us feel powerful, uncomfortable, and
unlike others."
- When using logical argument or fact stacking, we
rearrange the facts for our benefit." For example; "He was teasing
me all along. He did that before I punched him." What I did not explain is
that I had been bullying him for at least two months, in and out of
school.
Fronting
- We present ourselves as helpful or agreeable, when
we’re really trying to manipulate others so that we won’t be confronted.
We always think of ourselves first by being selfish.
- When we’re being phony or fronting by being a "nice
guy," we will always feel something is owed back to us.
- For example; I agree and accept what the others are
saying, when I’m really thinking; "If I am nice and agree with them, they
will leave me alone." The message with this thinking error is
"since I’m nice to you, you must be nice to me.
Grandiosity Or
Maximizing
- We know this thinking error as the opposite of
minimizing. We maximize when I’m trying to make little things seem like
very important things. This is what some people may call "making a
mountain out of a mole hill.
Using this thinking error often causes others to focus on little
insignificant things, rather than the issue at hand.
- Sometimes by "setting little fires," we can focus
attention on trivial matters by creating chaos. This way, we do not have
to focus on the facts of our behavior and feelings.
Helpless
- This thinking error occurs when we present ourselves
as being helpless, unable to meet expectations, and/or we are in need of
others. This is very similar to victim stance. When using helplessness, we
will enjoy talking about how "I cannot write, cannot solve problems, or
cannot overcome my disabilities
- This is how we manage to maintain our control over
others. When confronted for using this thinking error, we may try to make
others seem or look uncaring
- Using this thinking error, we may enjoy talking
about our problems, but we still need to be responsible for our actions
and our work at improving our weaknesses in any area of our life.
Hopovers
- This thinking error is also known as sidetracking or
"changing the subject." We use this thinking error when we try to change
the subject, when we’re confronted with facts about our behavior.
- We bypass to another subject very quickly to
distract others from the real issue.
- For example; "Why did you join a gang?" Response;
"Gangs have been around for centuries and originated in China.
Remember, part of learning is disciplining yourself to stay focused and
deal with the issues or problems at hand.
Hot Shot Or Cockiness
- Using this thinking error, we believe that we’re
triumphant over everything. We make ourselves believe this. When we
believe this, we do not believe we need any further goal setting,
development, or improvement. We have no doubt that we can be around
high-risk situations, with no risk of making the same mistake's) again.
- Using this thinking error, we overestimate the
amount of change we’ve gone through. Cockiness thinking error makes us
believe, "I know all the answers.
- For example; "I’m a honor roll student now. I don’t
have to worry about studying anymore." "I’ll never fail that class again."
"I’ll never flunk that test again." "I’m out of detention and I’ll never
see that youth service center again." "I’ll never have to deal with that
principal again. Remember, there is always a need for change, which
is necessary for growth and maturity. Adults and authority figures are
aware of this and will remind us that we don’t know everything. Just ask
them.
I Can't Attitude
- Sometimes we use this thinking error so that others
won’t expect us to do what is required or expected. This attitude
will ultimately lead to disappointment, failure, a loss of control, or a
loss of freedom.
- For example; "I am powerless to learn all these
rules." For example; "I can’t complete that assignment." For
example; "I am unable of doing that math." For example; "Society
has too many rules. I’m a rebel at heart." For example; "I am
unqualified. I can’t, means I won’t."
It's Mine Or
Entitlement
- Using this thinking error, we believe that it is
proper to take what we want. We tell ourselves and others: "If you don’t
give me that pencil, I’ll take it.
- Using it’s mine or ownership, we expect others to do
what we want. We treat the property of others as ours, to do with as we
please. To steal, to borrow without permission, or to vandalize means
nothing to us.
- For example; We borrow someone’s valuable pen. We
believe we’re entitled to keep it as long as we want, because we helped
the lender with their mathematics. For example; We talk only about
our rights, never considering the rights of others or our responsibility
in the matter.
Justifying
- This is very much like blaming others or excuse
making. Our justifying allows us to explain the reason for things."
- When we justify or explain, we always find reasons
for why things are the way they are. We do not want to recognize that
things are the way they are because of us, so we find a way to explain or
justify them."
- For example; "She didn’t have a chance to be a good
person anyway, so it didn’t matter as much with her." For example;
"He wasn’t my natural brother, only my step-brother." For example;
"My girlfriend wouldn’t do what I asked. What was I supposed to do?"
Keeping Score
- Sometimes, this thinking error takes the form of
playing "reprisal." Often we will be angry or hostile and will be quietly
keeping a record of others mistakes, rather than focusing on the issue at
hand. This allows us to feel better about ourselves because we haven’t
made as many mistakes as others.
- In other words, we’re "one up" on others. When
criticized or confronted, we respond by bringing up the errors of others,
so that we will not be the focus of the attention.
- By keeping score we avoid taking responsibility for
our own behavior and avoid working at improving. For example;
Someone says to you; "You were lying when you said that I was in your
room." I say to the group; "Don’t even start with me. Two months ago I
hated Jim, so I set him up.
Lack Of Empathy
- Using lack of empathy, we do not think of how our
actions influence others, except in the most obvious physical sense. We
have no concept of emotionally hurting others or causing great mental pain
To stop using this thinking error, we need to put ourselves or a loved one
in another person’s shoes. How would we feel if we or a loved one were
emotionally, mentally, or physically hurt?
For example; I’ll tease our classmate about
failing the test. Seeing this is bothering him, our feedback or response
is; "It wouldn’t bother us if we stopped thinking about it. For
example; We get into a fight with one of our peers in PE during flag
football and all we have to say is; "It could have been worse. We could
have really hurt him.
Let's Fight Or
Splitting
- Sometimes we like to start frays, so we can stand
back and watch. We will manipulate and control others so that they become
aggressive or hostile toward each other, while we can be a shining example
of maturity."
Sometimes, we will then enter into the conflict as a mediator and try to
resolve it so that we can look good.
- Another example of let’s fight or splitting is, when
we try to divide others by turning them against each other so that we can
get our way. This is done when we ask one person a question and the answer
is "no," so we then ask a different person the same question and get a
"yes." Then when the first person says "no" again, we can say; "But Mr.
Smith lets me do that.
Lying
- This is one of the most common thinking errors used
by us. We use it in many ways. We use it to distort, confuse, or make
fools of other people. There are three kinds of this thinking error.
- One ... Omission: We make up simple things that are
not true. This kind of thinking error is simple and clear. We simply say
things that are not true and that never happened.
- Two ... Comission: This is when we tell a
half-truth. We state things that are true, but leave out important
details. We are not being truthful by leaving things out, but what we say
is true.
Three ... Action: We behave or act in a way
that is not accurate or that suggests something that is not true. We may
show support for someone else, when in fact we are being critical of the
person. By showing support for the person, we may encourage the person to
make a mistake, which makes us look better. It is not so much that we are
saying things that are not true, but we behave in ways that can be
misinterpreted by others." For example; Someone makes a mistake
that is foolish or incorrect and we will show this individual support.
However, the person who is making a mistake, will make even greater
mistakes because of the support we give out.
Making Fools Of
- This thinking error allows us to ridicule other
people. We feel powerful and controlling, when other people are dependent
on us. We will be in a powerful position by keeping other people waiting,
hoping, and wondering.
- For example; we stole a key to an important room. As
the owner of the key is asking everyone and searching everywhere, we try
to make a fool of the owner by saying; "I have the key and you can have it
if you can find it." Later, after being taken at my word I say; "I was
only joking. I wouldn’t admit it if I had it.
- Another example is when someone compliments me on my
work. We can make a fool of the complimenter by failing the next work
assignment. This is a very tempting game for me, instead of doing the work
at hand.
Minimizing
- This is a common thinking error. We use this
thinking error when we try to make things seem smaller than they really
are.
- Often, we will use words like "just" and "only" to
make what we did seem smaller. We depreciate our actions and they become
unimportant and "not that bad. For example; "I only teased her
little bit, not all the way." "I only screamed at her once." "No biggie. I
don’t care anyway.
Mr. Goodguy
- This is a type of "fronting." Using this thinking
error, we try to present ourselves as a really nice person who doesn’t
make mistakes in our life. When we use this thinking error, we try
to outweigh our mistakes with good deeds. We may present ourselves as
caring about others, doing well in school by following directions, etc.
- However, it is more present in how we think of
ourselves, than what we actually do. This caring attitude is quickly
gotten rid of when an opportunity for personal gain or pleasure presents
itself.
- We need to be true to ourselves and others. We need
to face who we really are. Caring about ourselves and others is full time,
not something done to look good.
My Way Or No Way
- This thinking error is also known as all or nothing.
For example; "My way or the highway. We use this thinking error
by trying to exert our power over others through insisting that things be
done our way or not at all.
- "Using this thinking error, we see things in only
black and white, success and failure. Using this thinking error, we do not
see alternatives and we lose our power to choose between alternatives. We
believe we have to be "number one." Anything less is failure. For
example; "If I can’t be the best, I don’t want to do it." "If we can’t
play basketball, I don’t want to play.
- Remember, there are usually alternatives or choices
about learning and getting better comes in stages of maturity.
Pet Me
- We are often very selfish and think only of our
needs. We often set up other people so that our needs are constantly being
met. We want to do things so that we get the compliment. We want to be
noticed, cuddled, recognized, get attention, and certainly want to avoid
feeling bad.
- For example; "we purposely act or behave in certain
ways so that others will notice or applaud. If we are to hand in a written
assignment, we will want to personally hand the assignment in.
- Another example of this thinking error is when we
complete the assignment for the purpose of gaining approval, rather than
for the purpose of learning or changing.
Powerplay
- Also known as authority conflict, this is when we
want all the power and wish to be right no matter what. We enjoy arguing
and fighting for the sake of arguing and fighting with others.
- Using this thinking error, we get a "high" from
dominating other people. We do not care that we have used other people to
get this feeling. We believe that this is our right. We disallow others to
learn due to the disruption this thinking error causes.
- We don’t allow others to meet their obligations
because they are dealing with this unruly behavior. We are placing our
individual needs over the needs of others or the team.
Redefining
- This is our process of determining the boundaries,
by shifting the focus of an issue. We then avoid solving the problem. We
also use this thinking error as a power play to get the focus or attention
away from me."
- This thinking error allows me to avoid looking at
the real issue. Question; "Why didn’t you do your chores for this
week?" Response; "I’ve done my assignment for the last three weeks.
Question; "Do you have your money saved for your driver license
examination? "Response; "I’m very concerned about how hard the test will
be.
Refusal To Accept
Obligations
- Using this thinking error, we say "I forgot" as an
excuse for not completing assignments, meeting classroom expectations
i.e., raising our hand, bringing materials required for class, cooperating
with the teacher, using appropriate language in class, respecting life and
property, etc.
- When we use this thinking error, we do what we want
and ignore our responsibilities or promises. Forgetting is not a valid
excuse, we are accountable for all the things we "forget.
Refusal To
Acknowledge Fear
- Using this thinking error, we often tell myself,
"Nothing scares me." We cut off the fear that most people experience and
which stops most people from doing what they know is wrong. Using
this thinking error, we cut off any anxiety that prevents me from doing
what I want to do.
For example; "I don’t care if I flunk." "Suspension or expulsion doesn’t
scare me." "Go ahead, take my points, make me stay after school, I’m not
scared of you." For others not using this thinking error, fear is
an incentive for self-improvement. Fear is something that takes great
courage to face and to understand.
Secretiveness
- Often, we want to keep mysteries about ourselves. We
may keep secrets and claim that it’s part of my confidentiality.
Using this excuse, we never open up to others and take the chance to
trust. By doing this, no one can help us or even know us well enough, so
that we may truly accept them.
- By keeping secrets when others want us to give up
the mysteries, we maintain power and control over others, but the
mysteries maintain the power and control over us.
- Often, we keep mysteries because we are afraid of
rejection. Many times, we keep mysteries from ourselves as well as others.
For example; "I can’t tell anyone." " Face your fear and decide why you
are afraid of telling your secrets. Then I need to decide what I need to
do to get past my fear. If I tell my mysteries, they will no longer have
power over me."
Seeking Sympathy
- We do not like to feel as though we are wrong. We
will feel better if we can get others to feel sorry for us. "Seeking
sympathy" is when we say things or do things in order to get others to
feel sorry for us.
- For example; "My girlfriend probably won’t stick
this out with me, so why should I care?" "Why should I ask questions? My
questions are never right." "My family would be better off without me."
Silent Power
- We like the attention this thinking error brings us
and enjoy watching the frustration grow in others. We also like the
feeling we have over others. When others focus on our silence, it stops us
from dealing with the real issues.
- Remember, our silence won’t help us with our goals.
Our real strength will come from working with others and participating.
Our strength will come from sharing our experiences, feelings, and
thoughts with others as we learn to trust. For example; I’m upset
with one of my classmates because of what he said and I am showing my
anger by yelling. When approached by the teacher to find out what is going
on, I refuse to discuss the matter by "clamming up."
- Using this thinking error, we become quiet, often
refusing to participate or even explain how we feel. Often, we wait for
others to rescue we by encouraging we to talk.
Slacking
- We are slacking when we try to do the bare minimum
required and nothing more. We want to "meet my goals and objectives" or
complete my "assignment" so we can relax, "kick back," or rest. We
are concerned to "complete my things" only as something to be done to get
someone "off my back." We put forth minimum or a mediocre effort and we’re
not concerned with changing, modifying, or improving myself.
- We do not want to wait for gratification. We are
impatient or restless. We want what we desire right now, not later. We
fail to realize that goal setting and having a defined purpose are about
commitment to change. That change requires hard work, patience,
responsibility, and effort. Our improving is not about semesters or
time completed, it is about commitment, genuineness, self-motivation,
change, and growth.
Uniqueness
- This thinking error allows us to believe that we are
so special that the rules are for only for others, certainly not me. This
thinking error allows us to believe that we are one of a kind and unlike
all others in my program. We use this thinking error to tell
ourselves; "I am so horrible and terrible that nothing or no one can help
me." Therefore, I am not like anyone else." "Or, I might tell
myself; "I didn’t do anything as bad as these others. I am not like them.
The rules are for others, not for me.
- This is a very common thinking error that can be
seen when we tell ourselves that we do not have to listen to others and
only have to participate when others are focused on us and someone is
speaking directly to us. While others are talking, our using
uniqueness will often appear as being bored or daydreaming. For
example; "I will start playing with my shoes because I believe improving
is for someone else, but definitely not me."
Vagueness
- We use this thinking error when we try to avoid
giving specific information. We don’t want to get pinned down. When we are
not precise and clear, our actions can never be examined.
- For example; Question; "Did I break the motion
detector?" Response; "No, I did something else." Question; "What did you
do?" Response; "I didn’t do that." Question; "What did you do to your
little brother?" Response; "I did something kind of bad." Question; "Well,
what did you do?" Response; "I took away something."
- Obviously these answers are unclear, not precisely
answered, and we’ve allowed ourselves to avoid the reality of what we
really did.
Victim Stance
- Often, we want others to feel sorry for us. To do
this, we present ourselves as the "true victim." "Sometimes we use
this thinking error by explaining, "I wouldn’t have hurt him, if I hadn’t
been hurt myself. We use this thinking error to try and make others
see us as powerless and not responsible for our own behavior. By doing
this, we try to avoid seeing ourselves as a mistake maker and try to avoid
any accountability or responsibility.
- For example; "Poor me. No one really loves me." "I
couldn’t help it." "No one understands me." "I’m locked up in here and
away from my family." We are not powerless. We need to accept the
freedom and responsibility of the power we have.
You're Okay, I'm Okay
- We often try to be extremely positive in order to
avoid looking at the reality of the pain we have caused. We will often
work at being helpful, cooperative, and supportive of others. We
may even start to worry about other’s problems, rather than think about
our own actions and any hurt we may have caused. Sometimes this is called
"co-dependent.
- Using this thinking error, we may be the one who
feels we must constantly compliment others or be humorous. Most often, we
want to focus on "the good things" and ignore the bad, the unpleasant, or
our own weaknesses. By using this thinking error, we avoid reality
by focusing on how things ought to be rather than how they are or we are.
- By doing this, we manage to avoid responsibility for
what we’ve done and we are not working at improving or personal
self-empowerment.
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